


Alone is what I have, alone protects me

by frostedshadow



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sadness, Sherlock is Alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 15:01:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostedshadow/pseuds/frostedshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is used to being alone. Over the years, he has even come to expect it.</p><p>This was inspired by this:http://inkedkeys.tumblr.com/post/51037394634/i-just-have-one-what-people-dont-realize-is post.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone is what I have, alone protects me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sputniksweetheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sputniksweetheart/gifts).



> Obviously, the title is a quote from the show. I don't own anything, from the show, to the characters, to the post. Also, for a lot of this, I will be drawing on others opinions for different characters, that I have seen over the posts.

Sherlock knew what it was to be lonely. He would never tell his older brother why, if only because the older Holmes would scoff at him. When they were children, Sherlock had looked up to Mycroft. His older brother would always be there for him, would always care for him. It didn’t matter what, through thick and thin, the Holmes brothers were always there for each other. Until, they weren’t. Sherlock still isn’t sure how it happened. One day, Mycroft was there to discuss things with him, ready to experiment on anything. But, well, everything changes. Of course it did. Eventually, Sherlock realized it was because Mycroft fell in love. When that relationship fell through, his older brother ate himself into a stupor, then started all over again. Sherlock, twelve when this all happened, had watched the fall out with his family. Apparently, having a homosexual son was not something desired. Mycroft, at seventeen, had simply shut himself away and put his nose to the grind. Sherlock had watched, in silence, as his brother put up more and more walls, to the point that he would barely speak. So, when Sherlock was left out too, he did the same. He followed in his big brother’s footsteps, and put up walls. 

Without Mycroft there, the words started to hurt more. It was harder to deal with the hate, the mocking, the bullying. In school, the teachers pretend that nothing is wrong; who wants to defend the boy who proves them all wrong? Then, Sherlock does what Holmes boys do best; he locks everyone else. He goes to university, and learns once more that no one cares. Those that pretend to, well, they only want him for his intelligence. Sherlock realizes, later, that he let them hurt him. Which leads him to dangerous things. Sherlock lets himself fall into things that others pretend don’t exist. The drugs are nothing to him, nothing but a way to forget, a way to actually feel something. 

After awhile, Mycroft swoops in, and helps him clean up. By now, Sherlock is skeptical, he sees everything that Mycroft does with a now calculated eye. Mycroft just wants his brother healthy, nothing more. Well, that and possibly off the streets, and away from any potential scandal. As a blossoming government official, having a drug addict of a baby brother can be very detrimental to one’s career. A detective with a failing marriage, but promising career, came into Sherlock’s life and by extension, Mycroft’s. Greg only tolerates Sherlock, so he can continue to see his rather dashing older brother. Over time, Sherlock proves his worth, and Greg begins to understand Sherlock’s worth. But, the damage is done. Sherlock has his opinion, and he can’t be made to change it. A small, dark corner of his mind knows that now, Greg sees him as something more than the little brother to his new boyfriend. 

Mrs. Hudson is a pretty puzzle for Sherlock. He doesn’t remember her right away, but over time it all comes back to him. How he had been high when he realized that her husband was beating her. And, even when he beats her more for it, during his homelessness days she gives him a scarf or buys him a meal. It is Mrs. Hudson who he, for the first time in a long time, makes him realize that maybe not all of humanity is terrible. To repay her kindness, he makes sure that her husband gets the death penalty. Years later, when he looks for a flat, it is to her that he approaches. Over the years, they occasionally have tea, but Sherlock does not know why. He is a freak, a man with no heart. It makes no sense to him, that someone as kind as Mrs. Hudson would want to have tea with him. 

Over time, he even lets himself get set up with flat mates. The first time, he is okay with it, thinks it might be a fluke. The first few days, they try and keep up. Some of them are still in university, some of them are professionals, but it is always the same. The longest one lasts a month. They each try, and understand him, but they never get there. Eventually, Sherlock gives up. After all, he has been alone for this long, what is a few more years. And, if the rest of humanity has given up on them, why shouldn’t he give up on them. 

For the longest time, he has his experiments, and the cases that Lestrade lets him help with. Until Mike Stamford walks into his lab one afternoon, another man with him. A man with a psychosomatic limp. Sherlock doesn’t want to give it a chance, but there is something different about this man. So, he lets John into his life, though he doesn’t really expect the man to stay. For sure, the drugs bust will be the end of it, except its not. Its in that moment that Sherlock realizes that maybe John is a true friend. John keeps the loneliness away, keeps life at bay. 

Mycroft has always been there, but his presence wavers, his motives are never obvious. Mrs. Hudson is an anomaly; someone so sweet could never truly care for someone as heartless as Sherlock. Lestrade, well, it takes a long time to get back Sherlock’s trust once it is broken. Sherlock isn’t sure he can ever come to trust the man. Except, well, he thinks that perhaps the man can be trusted with John, if only because the two like each other. Then, there is John. Naive John, a man who is loyal to a fault. Sherlock still can’t figure out how he gained John’s trust, but he is very glad he has it. If only because, before dear Jim comes along, he finally gets to see what true friendship is, what it means to truly trust someone and know that they will trust you in return. For all of John’s grumbles, Sherlock knows that when the pair are together, he is not truly alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, my darling Katie! Better late than never, right?


End file.
